So you’ve fallen for someone that won’t give you a tumble. You’ve done all the usual things to indicate your interest, engage them in small talk, flick your hair, touch your neck and all the one hundred and one things that subtly indicate that they’ve caught your eye, and– nothing, nada, zip. Well, there could be thousand reasons why your wily ways haven’t done their trick, but mostly, you aren’t hitting the right notes—for them. So back up and retrace your steps and your astrologer will tell you how to seduce your sweetie, by their Sun sign.
Aries—Its easy to caught an the fiery Ram’s interest, and just as easy to lose it. They get bored when their prey is too easily caught. To win the Ram’s affections you must be paradoxically unattainable, yet close enough in his line of sight so that he thinks about trying to catch you. Have fun with that one.
Taurus—The usual things work, a good meal, a bottle of wine, a few flowers. So why is your sweetie so slow to warm up? They are checking you out and they won’t take a tumble until they are sure you measure up to long time mate material. If you get tired of waiting, find someone else, because for Taurus, anticipation is half the fun, and they do love their fun.
Gemini—Listen to them, over and over and over again. They’ll love you for it, literally. Easily entertained and easily bored, it is best to keep them moving from one location to another so they don’t notice you are the same person they left with. Keep a selection of wigs and alternate personalities on hand and they won’t be able to resist.
Cancer—Feed them. It is that simple. Just be prepared to keep feeding them. It doesn’t hurt if you can actually cook. Like a cat once fed they will never go away. Trust me.
Leo—Be the person everyone wants to be with. Then Leo will want to be with you too. Let them be gallant and win you. Only then are you allowed to be their willing slave. Enjoy.
Virgo—Be totally helpless. Nothing makes Virgo happier than to help you. But be prepared. Once they are done balancing your checkbook and organizing your sock draw, they will start on their next home improvement project, you! It’s for your own good, don’t you know.
Libra-This sign, ruled by the planet of love, Venus, lives for a relationship. So why isn’t she or he in relationship with you? Well, mainly, they can’t decide, because there are so many good choices out there. You must make the decision for them. Of course, you must be subtle, so as not to scare them off, so you must very carefully just be there for them. Once they get use to seeing you in their landscape, they won’t be able to imagine you not being there. See? Simple.
Scorpio—Nothing spikes a Scorpio’s interest than mystery, so be a mystery. Stay in their line of sight, but say nothing. When they ask you questions, evade. Smile a knowing smile when they glance your way. Try not to look back when you do this. You’ll drive them so nuts they will have to ask you out.
Sagittarius—The Archer loves nothing better than a good time, so be willing to bend a few at the bar and do a few good reaching shots at the pool table. Group dates are best for starters, and if you let them give you a few pointers with the pool cue, you might find that they’ve suddenly piqued an interest in you. If not, at least the evening wasn’t totally wasted even if you were.
Capricorn—The Goat has particular tastes that run highbrow or lowbrow. Of course you want to be regarded as the high end, so you’ll want to be particularly useful for them. Be sharp with a pencil and be tight with a buck. They appreciate someone who won’t spend their money. It doesn’t hurt to put off sex. They’ll admire your moral fiber. For heaven sakes, do not be better than they are at doing taxes. They can’t stand the pain.
Aquarius—The Waterbearer is more difficult than the usual human to seduce. Most of the time they are not thinking about sex. That is because for this mentally attuned zodiac sign, they are thinking about a million other things that engage their interest. To be one of things they do think about, be their friend. To get them beyond this stage, however, is beyond the scope of this column.
Pisces—The zodiac sign of the fishes moves in a world of emotions. One of the last true romantics they really do believe in happily ever after. Give them a rose, write them a poem and over a glass of wine tell them the sad story of the cad that burned you. They’ll be hooked, quite possibly forever.
If you would a question answered on these pages, please send your birth date, birth time, and birth place to firstname.lastname@example.org. I regret that time limitations do not permit full horoscope readings. Queries without all the required information will not be answered.