Mars Retrograde: Just What Are You Doing Down There?

Marilyn Monroe The True Story (Astrology Explored) Newscaster: Mars stations in Virgo on the day of the Aquarian New Moon. Many astrologers have posted their take on this combo, but Astrology Media Press thought to ask the planets themselves, “What does it all mean?”

I am here at the celestial home of Venus, the goddess of beauty and Mars, the god of war. . .

Venus: (dressed as Marilyn Monroe speaking little breathlessly) And sex, don’t forget that he is the god of sex.

Newscaster: Yes, well this is a family show. (changing subject) I love what you are wearing.

Venus: Thank you. I am in the zodiac sign of Pisces right now.

Newscaster: And where is the man of the hour, Mars?

Venus: Um, yes. (Looks around over her shoulder).

Venus: Just where is he now? (Goes to doorway where there are stairs that leads down.)

Venus: (sweetly) Honey, are you down there?

Voice from basement: What?

Venus: (exasperated and in the breathless Marilyn voice) So sorry. He did know you were coming.

Venus: (shouting down the stairs again) Mars! The news people are here!

Mars: (from basement) What? I thought that was Thursday. Look I’m a little busy down here with Uranus.

Venus: (rolls her eyes. There is a knock at the door.)

Venus: Sorry! (rushes off to the door and finds Pluto at the door)

Pluto: Hey, sexy. (Steals a kiss) Where’s your man?

Venus: (flustered) This isn’t a good time. We’ve got a news interview.

Pluto: Really? (Pushes his way past Venus).  I bet he’s in that old man cave of his. Has Uranus gotten here yet? (Pluto heads down the stairs)

Venus: (stamps her feet) Now really! (Catches herself and looks sheepish)

Venus: (to newscaster) So sorry. He IS stationed right now. He tends to become focused on one thing when he stations and he IS in the zodiac sign of Virgo, so he is zeroed in on the minutia of what he is doing. (goes to stairs again.)

Venus: (shouting louder) Honey! The news people are waiting for you!

Mars: (shouting up the stairs) Just a minute! We are going over last year’s facts and figures! We’ve just got to get it right this time!

Venus: (perplexed) Last year? Honey, this is no time to do the taxes!

Various voices from the basement: Yeah! That’s right! We’ll do that again! That will show them! Good job! Be careful with that!

Newscaster: (counting on his fingers and growing alarmed) Mars, Uranus, Pluto. Isn’t it almost a year from when the Fukushima power plants exploded?

Venus: (absently, still staring down the basement steps) I suppose. (raises her voice in annoyance) Mars!

Sounds of footsteps on the stairs. Mars makes his appearance.

Mars: (Shakes newscaster hand) Hello, good to see you. I hope the little woman here (gives her affectionate squeeze a little too hard) has been making you comfortable. Caught me in the middle of a meeting. Lot’s of things coming up! Thinks are going to shake, rattle and roll! My friend Uranus will see to that. Pluto will help too. But we are still working on the details. Get in touch with my boy, Mercury, he handles communications . . .say around January 28, when he meets up with the Aquarius’ new moon point, when he’s at 2 degrees of Aquarius. All the details will come out then. Uranus rules Aquarius, don’t you know. Actually, Saturn used to rule Aquarius, but when Uranus came around, he was MORE than happy to share the work.

(Rumbling sounds come from the basement, Venus looks worried).

Mars: Oops! Got to go! (He bounds down the stairs again)

Venus: Oops? What the . . (She shouts down the stairs like a fishwife) Mars! What are you doing down there. You better not leave a mess for me to clean up!

Mars: (calling up the stairs) Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll take care of it.

Venus: (turning to newscaster, exasperated) As if he ever does.

Newscaster: (to audience smiling broadly) So there you have it folks. Expect some exciting things coming your way!

Photo published under a Creative Commons licensed issued by user brandbook as shown on Flickr.

horoscope chart Aquarian New Moon

About Beth Turnage

I write about astrology alot. Some people like to read it.
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Diana says:

I enjoyed that so much! Something different -very creative. I do this in my mind quite a lot, just never write it out.

Beth Turnage says:

Thanks, Catherine and Sabina. Yes, many of us ladies identify with Venus. As well we should!

Catherine says:

I can so relate to Venus! Sabina is right that would make a great animated video clip. Thanks for taking the time to do the post.

Sabina says:

Love it! It’d make a great vidclip too. lol

Beth Turnage says:

:)