Mars Retrograde: Just What Are You Doing Down There?

Marilyn Monroe The True Story (Astrology Explored) Newscaster: Mars stations in Virgo on the day of the Aquarian New Moon. Many astrologers have posted their take on this combo, but Astrology Media Press thought to ask the planets themselves, “What does it all mean?”

I am here at the celestial home of Venus, the goddess of beauty and Mars, the god of war. . .

Venus: (dressed as Marilyn Monroe speaking little breathlessly) And sex, don’t forget that he is the god of sex.

Newscaster: Yes, well this is a family show. (changing subject) I love what you are wearing.

Venus: Thank you. I am in the zodiac sign of Pisces right now.

Newscaster: And where is the man of the hour, Mars?

Venus: Um, yes. (Looks around over her shoulder).

Venus: Just where is he now? (Goes to doorway where there are stairs that leads down.)

Venus: (sweetly) Honey, are you down there?

Voice from basement: What?

Venus: (exasperated and in the breathless Marilyn voice) So sorry. He did know you were coming.

Venus: (shouting down the stairs again) Mars! The news people are here!

Mars: (from basement) What? I thought that was Thursday. Look I’m a little busy down here with Uranus.

Venus: (rolls her eyes. There is a knock at the door.)

Venus: Sorry! (rushes off to the door and finds Pluto at the door)

Pluto: Hey, sexy. (Steals a kiss) Where’s your man?

Venus: (flustered) This isn’t a good time. We’ve got a news interview.

Pluto: Really? (Pushes his way past Venus).  I bet he’s in that old man cave of his. Has Uranus gotten here yet? (Pluto heads down the stairs)

Venus: (stamps her feet) Now really! (Catches herself and looks sheepish)

Venus: (to newscaster) So sorry. He IS stationed right now. He tends to become focused on one thing when he stations and he IS in the zodiac sign of Virgo, so he is zeroed in on the minutia of what he is doing. (goes to stairs again.)

Venus: (shouting louder) Honey! The news people are waiting for you!

Mars: (shouting up the stairs) Just a minute! We are going over last year’s facts and figures! We’ve just got to get it right this time!

Venus: (perplexed) Last year? Honey, this is no time to do the taxes!

Various voices from the basement: Yeah! That’s right! We’ll do that again! That will show them! Good job! Be careful with that!

Newscaster: (counting on his fingers and growing alarmed) Mars, Uranus, Pluto. Isn’t it almost a year from when the Fukushima power plants exploded?

Venus: (absently, still staring down the basement steps) I suppose. (raises her voice in annoyance) Mars!

Sounds of footsteps on the stairs. Mars makes his appearance.

Mars: (Shakes newscaster hand) Hello, good to see you. I hope the little woman here (gives her affectionate squeeze a little too hard) has been making you comfortable. Caught me in the middle of a meeting. Lot’s of things coming up! Thinks are going to shake, rattle and roll! My friend Uranus will see to that. Pluto will help too. But we are still working on the details. Get in touch with my boy, Mercury, he handles communications . . .say around January 28, when he meets up with the Aquarius’ new moon point, when he’s at 2 degrees of Aquarius. All the details will come out then. Uranus rules Aquarius, don’t you know. Actually, Saturn used to rule Aquarius, but when Uranus came around, he was MORE than happy to share the work.

(Rumbling sounds come from the basement, Venus looks worried).

Mars: Oops! Got to go! (He bounds down the stairs again)

Venus: Oops? What the . . (She shouts down the stairs like a fishwife) Mars! What are you doing down there. You better not leave a mess for me to clean up!

Mars: (calling up the stairs) Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll take care of it.

Venus: (turning to newscaster, exasperated) As if he ever does.

Newscaster: (to audience smiling broadly) So there you have it folks. Expect some exciting things coming your way!

Photo published under a Creative Commons licensed issued by user brandbook as shown on Flickr.

horoscope chart Aquarian New Moon

Yearly Forecast 2010: Blame Mars Retrograde

shadowMy latest whipping boy is Mars Retrograde who is stubbornly opposing my Sun. I blame the planet of action for every delayed thing in my life right about now. Oh some things are not so bad, like waiting for the court date for the traffic ticket, but the rest, well dragging a toddler kicking and screaming from a toy store is easier to accomplish. Here is the yearly forecast for 2010.
buttonariesStrangely, social as you are, you feel curiously disconnected from people, places and things. You are held in the grip of issues from the past that needs resolution, but you have not a clue as how to do so. As long as you keep yourself in limbo, there is no moving forward to some really good stuff waiting for you. The planet of action, Mars, will soon give you the kick in the rear you so desperately need around your birthday, so I advise that you pay attention to this gentle prodding from the Universe.
taurus-buttomOther people communicate to you their dissatisfaction with how you handle your relationship with them. You are hearing some things that are long overdue, dear Taurus, and it a wise bull that will listen and take things to heart. Though you normally resist change, this is not the time to do so. The fact is there is no better time than now to make the changes that are so desperately needed.
gemini-buttonUncomfortably, for you, emotional issues dominate. Though you like to play both sides of the fence, now is the time when you need to make a choice. Will you pick the person that is needy and way too dependent on you, or the person who is chronically erratic and undependable? Neither sounds like a particularly good choice, so maybe it is time to evaluate who is in your life and why.
cancer-button1Feeling warm, cozy and secure in your own little corner of the Universe, you are not aware of the power struggles around you. People are fighting for your attention, and you best make yourself aware of it. At stake are relationships with key people in your life. It is up to you to make the peace and smooth the ruffled feathers. You must also be aware that finances are not as secure as you think, so dig around and find the real dirt.
Other people take center stage, and you are expected to play the supporting role, an unaccustomed position for the regal lion. Even though the issues of the people in your life are important, even critical, Leo always suffers when they don’t get enough attention. It is important for you to see the real issues here and understand we all can’t have the spotlight each and every time.
buttonvirgo1As much as you like to keep a tight lid on things, you’ll life is due for a drastic change. You’ll be adding to your family. A new love could be on the horizon or a child coming into your life. Whatever happens will be lightning quick, so you won’t see it coming. That’s why I’m warning you now.
buttonlibraSaturn moving through your sign turns up the heat, (or turns the screws, depending on your viewpoint) on your relationships. As usual you won’t be able to make a decision and you swing back and forth between ardent desire and cool indifference. The grass isn’t always greener so you best figure out what it is you really want and go for that.
buttonscorpioYou are due for an incredibly luck turn of events though you don’t appreciate everything the Universe is laying at your feet. Travel to exotic foreign lands is favored to such places like Egypt and Morocco, though if you’re cash strapped, you may try a jaunt to D.C. Aside from that be ready to turn on a dime to march the beat of a different drummer, you should expect that things won’t turn out as you expect though the results will be better.
buttonsagittariusOne step forward and two steps back is the motto for this year. Your natural enthusiasm and tendency to act first and think about it latter works against you rather than helps. Instead of trying to devise some snappy patter to smooth over the rough spots, work at putting some effort into your grand plans. You’ll go farther that way.
buttoncapricornWorldly ambitions hit a frustrating plateau this year when nothing you do seems to hit the mark and yet nothing is terribly wrong either. This is because this is a year to work on your relationships. Its time to develop your emotional side, dear Cap, and to do this the Universe must hit you upside the head. Its time to learn there is more to life than climbing the corporate ladder.
buttonaquariusMuch of the first part of the year has you feeling held back, as Mars in your opposite sign locks your into place. This is strange as things are pretty good for you much of the year. If you are single you are attracting admirers and if you’re married, you two are more romantic than ever. The catch comes, however, when you fail to communicate about essential issues in the relationship for fear of upsetting the applecart. Of all signs, Aquarius, you know the importance of honesty. Come clean.
buttonpiscesThe planet of abundance Jupiter comes to visit your sign for a few months this year. Though his visit is brief, the afterglow of the big guy’s presence sparkles the whole year through for you as you give off sexy vibes that bring new and unusual people in your life. Though most of these folks will end up as friends rather than lovers, one in particular will lock down your free loving ways. That’s what you get for being so beautiful.

If you would like a question answered on these pages send your birth date, birth place and birth time along with your question to Sorry, time constraints prevent me from doing readings on anything other than a single question.

Photo created from image under Creative Commons License from Flickr.

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Mars Retrograde: When the First Shoe Drops

mars-retroIts not easy being a fixed sign or having a planet in a fixed sign these days. Those with the zodiac signs Taurus, Leo, Scorpio or Aquarius have the planet of action, Mars, to deal with. Folks, Mars here is no lightweight. Wherever Mars is sitting with, making a challenge or tension aspect to whatever stuff you have in a fixed sign is where you are experiencing trouble, with a capital “T”.

What is giving Mars its special super powers is that it is taking its own sweet time traversing the sign of the Lion, moving forward, then retracing its steps in what astrologers and astronomers call retrograde motion. From the vantage point of planet Earth, Mars appears to be moving backward in the heavens. What actually happens is that the Earth in its tour around the Sun has temporarily sped past Mars. Mars then plays catch up with sister Earth, creating what appears in the sky, if you were taking stop motion photography, a loop in its orbit.

Leo likes to fix attention on him/herself and Mars is the planet of War, so put that heady cocktail together, you get something akin to C-4 explosive primed to blow. However, it is well known that fixed signs just don’t like to admit there is a problem, much like the gentleman I recently spoke with that denied having issues in the bedroom despite having Saturn in Scorpio in the Eighth house, so it takes some time before the first shoe drops. When it does, the second comes in rapid succession.

So here is how it works. Either you book a consult with an astrologer, or you grab a hold of your chart and find where your fixed signs are and check out the description below. Oh, we all have them, somewhere, even if it is a fixed sign on house cusp, so no one is immune to the powers of Mars Retrograde, just some feel it more keenly than others.

Like everything else in astrology, it is all about cycles, and eventually the cycle passes. Mars is due to move onto Virgo in June. Aren’t we looking forward to that one!

Ascendant/Natal planet in the First House making inharmonious aspect to Mars or traveling Mars in the First House—You may embark on a mission to reshape your body, which wouldn’t be a bad thing except that you are driving everyone else nuts while you do so. Stop insisting your significant other take predawn runs trips to the gym or jogs through the neighborhood just to keep you company. Even if you don’t need your sleep, your SO does.

Natal Planet in Second House, etc, etc, or Venus in inharmonious aspect to Mars or traveling Mars through the Second House—Every fraking bill you’ve been putting off suddenly comes due. Worse yet, its like they’ve met in some secret place in the walls of your house and procreated. Call your financial planner, your accountant or some other trusted advisor to help you make sense of it all, because frankly, you are just too ticked off about it to plan this out rationally.

Natal Planet in Third House making inharmonious aspect to Mars, Natal Mercury making inharmonious aspect to Mars, or traveling Mars through the third house— Your brothers and sisters have stopped talking to you and you don’t understand why. It’s because you can’t stop challenging them, or your innate obnoxiousness is shining through. Keep to short written notes when communicating with them and forget the emotionally charged phone calls. Attend to all your school work or company reports promptly.

Natal Planet in the Fourth House making inharmonious aspect the Mars, Natal Moon making inharmonious aspects to Mars, traveling Mars through the fourth house—Issues in the home or with your mother take central stage. This is especially tough if you aren’t getting along well with the spouse or Mom in the first place. Everything is an argument or a pout. The priority here is learning what constructive action is needed to minimize conflict, and lucky you, the ball is in your court.

Natal Planet in the Fifth House making inharmonious aspect to Mars, Natal Sun making inharmonious aspect to Mars, traveling Mars through the fifth house—Read the one above and substitute the word “children”. I feel your pain.

Natal Planet in the Sixth House making inharmonious aspect Mars, Mars traveling through the sixth house—The good new is that the problems here will resolve themselves by early summer, and are more scares than actual problems with your health. However the shock of having a potential major health issue rearing its ugly head can push you into a healthier lifestyle which isn’t such a bad thing either.

Natal Planet in the Seventh House making inharmonious aspect to Mars, Mars traveling through the Seventh—Partnerships are tested under this transit. (Read Forth house description.) You have suspicions your life partner is cheating or your business partner wants to jump ship. The issue is to dig deeper past your partner’s actions and find a way to communicate openly and honestly about how you feel. Maybe, just maybe he or she will also.

Natal Planet in the Eight House making inharmonious aspects to Mars, Natal Pluto making inharmonious aspects to Mars, Mars traveling the Eighth House—I’m not going to expose what it is that troubling you because you know what it is and you don’t want the whole world to know. I will tell though, it just really is time to make an appointment with a good therapist.

Natal Planet in the Ninth making inharmonious aspects to Mars, Natal Jupiter making inharmonious aspects to Mars, traveling Mars through the ninth—If you are in school, its going to be tough. Put away the beer bottle and pick up the schools books. If you aren’t in school you are going to need a lawyer. Trust me.

Natal Planet in the Tenth making inharmonious aspects to Mars, Mars traveling through the tenth—Everyone wants to challenge your authority. Mars upsets the apple cart in your career sector. No one wants to let you do what you need to do. Suddenly everyone in the boardroom refuses to listen to you. It sucks and there is nothing you can do that won’t dig you deeper. Maybe you should re-evaluate why you stay in a situation where your talents aren’t appreciated.

Natal Planet in the Eleventh making inharmonious aspects to Mars, Uranus making inharmonious aspect to Mars, Mars traveling through the eleventh—Read the fourth house description and substitute the word “friends”. Activities in organizations don’t go so smoothly either. Keep your head down and don’t challenge anyone unless you are ready to nuke them all. Then where will you be?

Natal Planet in the Twelfth making inharmonious aspects to Mars, Neptune making inharmonious aspects to Mars, Mars traveling through the Twelfth.–Like the description for the Eighth House, you need some outside help to straighten out your insides. Whether it is you or a loved one with the substance abuse or mental health issue, or the SO’s (or worse yet, your) affair come to light, put the pedal to the metal to find someone to help you through this. This is not the time to go it alone.

Photo is public domain from the NASA
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